It's like.. 8 degrees in this house, I'm so cold. I'm going to talk about more than one topic so I apologize if this gets long.

First off, I've been trying (somewhat), to get my sleeping schedule 'normal.' It's kind of working. I've managed to deprive myself of sleep to go all night without it, just to go to sleep at a reasonable time the following day. Except the other night I messed it all up by staying up all night just talking to people online. The one thing I don't like about this normal schedule is that I'm up at all these normal hours and no one is around. Everyone is at school and such. And with my being homeschooled I just sit and do my school work until people start getting online, which is about three or four my time. It gets really isolated, but not isolated enough to go back there, nope.

My second topic is quite silly and unimportant, but if you've ever written poetry or anything you'd understand. If not you can skip this part if you'd like. Well, has anyone every written poems or songs and kept them in a binder or just left them in the notebook you wrote them in? Only for someone to accidentally find them and make fun you. Haha. I've realized there's only one thing that is more embarrassing than that. Making SONGS and people finding it.

I know I talk about it a lot but it's part of my life, music. Yes, I make music, and I'm currently recording Ah Min 3amilo Feya. All my friends and even new people added my music page, and acted impressed by my courage to put myself out on the line. Well, none of my family new how involved I was with music, except for my mom and sister. I had my songs on my iPod not thinking anyone would be using my iPod that I didn't want using it. Well one day, my step-sister decided she was going to take my iPod and browse through it and I didn't feel up to yelling at her. She found my songs. I was so embarrassed. She's always made me feel like crap for doing things, she hated me because she hated my dad. So everything I did she found flaws in. And of course she sat in her chair laughing her head off at me, and I was so upset that I didn't even bother taking it from her, I just got really quiet and pretended it didn't hurt my feelings. She saw that I didn't care, or so she thought. So she kept making fun of me and laughing.

I didn't make music for months after that. I let myself be upset by what happened. Overall people liked my songs, but this one sister that hated me talked trash about it and I let it destroy my desire for creating music. There have been a few incedents after that involving music and embarrassment. My mom and sister heard my song, they loved them but I was so nervous about it I felt like everyone was lying and I yelled at everyone. Of course I know there are going to be people who don't like my music, which is the death of me sometimes because I have such a huge inferiority complex. I hate the idea of people sitting and laughing at my songs when they're played, because now the image of my step-sister was burned into my head and I see it everytime I start writing a song.

And lastly, stereotypes. I hate them. They're funny to talk about sometimes but usually hurtful. I know a few people who make being a stereotype a bad thing. Like always looking down on me for being gay and liking Madonna, Cher, Britney, and Shakira. For liking remixes of songs, for liking preppy clothes, or being FOR the establishment. Always talking about how stereotypical I am. And that it's such a bad thing to be like other people. I can't help what I like, so why make fun of me? Why make it anymore difficult? I get it, you have a superiority problem, you like to feel different and like no one else will ever be like you even though that's what all your friends and every other person transitioning from teenager to adult are doing.

I can't help that I don't know a single piece of Mozart, I can't help that instead of liking classical pieces I like the sound of a buzzing electro remix of a Madonna song. I can't help that I like painting my nails different colors, or wearing eyeliner. That I dress very plain and don't have a single piece of clothing that acts as an outspoken person. No I don't have the "I hate all the kids that are normal even though kids who hate people that are 'normal' have BECOME the normal people."

Yes I said it and I'll say it again. I myself have become the minority, a person who doesn't give a damn that all these kids run around talking about how I'm just a stereotype and that it's ruining society. (Though they claim to not want a society.) I'm a good boy, I don't talk about drugs, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't have anonymous sex. I don't hate the establishment and I think it's naive to think a world without rules would survive. So why punish me for being a good person?

I was just blinded by my computer screen. I woke up and thought it was safe because the light coming from the window didn't hurt my eyes, but I turn on the computer and BAM.

I think I mentioned it before I've been addicted to Zoo Tycoon. I've had the game since I was about 8 years old and I've loved it ever since. But my boyfriend got me the Complete Collection which is the original game with all the expansion packs. Like Dino Digs (Allows you to have dinosaurs and extinct animals like wooly mammoth, etc.) and Marine Mania which allows you to have sea animals in big tanks you build. It's good it game with the original disc too though because as old as mine was it was really scratched up.

I've stopped receiving my CD's in the mail, I've run out of the money to order them bahahaha. It really sucks because it gave me something to anticipate. I'll list all the cd's that've come in the mail finally.

Cher - All or Nothing (Remix Maxi CD)
Cher - Song For the Lonely (Remix Maxi CD)
Cher - Different Kind of Love Song/Music's No Good Without You (Remix Maxi CD)
Cher- When The Money's Gone/Love One Another (Remix Maxi CD)
Cher - Believe (Remixes)
Madonna - Die Another Day (Remixes extended version) [Including rare Devin Dazzle Club Mix]
Madonna - Hung up (Remixes)
Madonna - Sorry (Remixes)
Madonna - Jump (Remixes)
Madonna - Don't Tell Me (Remixes)
Madonna - Music (Remixes)
Madonna - Nothing Really Matters (Rare Germany Remix CD) [Including Rare Kruder/Dorffmeister Remix]
Madonna - American Pie (Remixes) [Including Peter Rauhofer's Private Mix]
Jewel - Intuition (Remixes)
Shania Twain - Ka-Ching! (Sowatt Mixes) [Including I'm Gonna Getcha Good Sowatt Dance Mix]
Shania Twain - Thank You Baby [Remixes]
Britney Spears - My Prerogative (X-Press Mixes pt 1 & 2)
Britney Spears - Everytime (Japan Remix Maxi) (Including the Scumfrog Haunted Radio Edit)
Britney Spears - Stronger Remixes
Britney Spears - Oops!... I Did it Again (Remixes)
Shakira - Underneath Your Clothes (Thunderpuss & Lester Mendez Remixes) [Including Tracy Young's Spin Cycle Mix of Whenever, Wherever.]

Those are just the beginning, I have tons of other CD's from collecting them over the years. Then I bought my boyfriend a couple No Doubt CD's in the mail to surprise him.

I've been really surprised, I thought we would be spending the whole spring break with his friends but instead we've stayed at home every single day. Except to go out and eat of course. I'm going to come back and update this later, but right now I'm gonna go play Zoo Tycoon again! :D:D:D

Love, B.
(P.S I'm currently writing and working on the new song and it should be done sometime in two weeks.)